My Novel Translation Test

[Red]

I just translated a piece of my work. let's hope it makes even a little more sense this time:

Spoiler below!

00 - Prologue.

There's a loud explosion above, the sound echoes and rumbles the skies of Sedyn.
Metal debris scatter all around the city of Humas, among them, a fine molted pearl falls and hits the ground on level two of Northwest Humas. It bounces and rolls slowly to near street sewer.
A security camera has been installed in this same block. In it's point of view it's July 17th 2062.
It managed to record the occured. To put all this in one; this was the crucial moment that put the very end to this epoch. This is the day, everyone has waited an eternity to come.
Even though everything seems like a mystery, there's a long explanation for this all.
To start building the answer, we must go back to May 8th 2056. On that day, this same camera recorded another remarkable thing; A person who entered an apartment but didn't leave it alive...

A brown haired woman sits in the armchair teal colored bathrobe on.
Just a moment ago she returned from work and she's fagged out.
The night is dark but quiet and calm, it's a perfect time to relax and let the rush behind just for this once.
After a little slurp of wine, starts happening: She starts to feel pressure in the right side of her chest.
She's completely unaware what happens next.
After a little moment, the pain surprise and rises unbearable. This makes her bend on her chair and suffer the agony.
The feeling is so intense that she can't stand up for her feet, it's impossible, her feet feels like they're paralyzed.
The heart attack rarely strikes her age group, but this time around it chose her as it's victim.
There's no help near, she lives alone and the neighbour can't hear a thing from the soundproof apartment. The only possible help would be the phone, but unfortunately it can't be reached by hand.
Finally woman realises: the moment is hopeless, she gives up after hard fight and collapses to the floor. The jolt drops the half-full wine glass from the chair handle to the laminate, breaking it into small shards. The woman lies on the floor breathing her last breaths until the vision goes out and the everlasting peace invades the mind.
This is a good example how death chooses his client randomly and takes her away, mercilessly. Looks like this shipping clerk never ships anymore.

After about 10 minutes, a phone rings...

Tell me if you find this interesting, i might translate more.