Pasta

[Damascus Rose]

If you are going to critique something at least make sure what you're saying makes a shred of sense. I honestly have no clue what you're trying to say.

What I'm saying is that you're saying you used the space of about three paragraphs for a hallucination! A hallucination that anyone reading might pass off as an actual event within the story, thus confusing and throwing off the reader, as well as breaking any pacing of atmosphere. A story is just like a CS; it has to have proper build up in order to have any affect, even if the story in question is a parody. A parody must then follow the nature of humor and introduce substance in an acceptable format.
OKAY!?

Just by taking a quick glance at my little story I could tell it was written in one paragraph. Also, I have honestly no idea why you are taking this so goddam seriously, I wrote that in like 5 minutes with little thought of anything such as 'pacing of atmosphere' or 'proper build up'. And also, I thought this would be apparent to readers but clearly it isn't for you, the events that took place in the menu screen were basically foreshadowing. Used all the time. It was just meant to show very early on what this game has in store, but since it was so early in the playing of it the person just passed it off as imagination. Perhaps I wasn't subtle enough, but do I care? no. Does it really matter? no. I was just having a bit of fun writing my own story in imitation. So why you got so angry over this, I really do not understand.